I’m just going to refer to an instagram photo that I took a few days ago. Just to remind you, here’s the photo.PS, apologies to any fellow arachnophobes.
This is what my delightful work colleagues names Genius Geoff. Why Genius Geoff? I’m going to tell you the saga of Geoff and his super intelligence.
So I was just minding my own business and tidying the house. I’d settled for the night to watch Pitch Perfect 2. Don’t judge me! And here he was sitting in the sink just looking at me.
It freaked me out. I hate spiders. And Geoff was a big guy! I thought, “Fuck this shit!” He can’t get out the sink, spiders can’t climb shiny surfaces. I went to bed thinking he would have gone back down the plug hole by the morning.
The little shit was still there! I thought I’m going to have to get rid of him. He was halfway up the sink. A few more minutes he’d be free to find somewhere to hide in the house!
I was too afraid to get the tap to wash him away, so I went to the fridge. No water in there. Only lemonade. So with a cry worthy of Braveheart I squeezed diet lemonade at him to wash him down the plug hole.
Well Geogg wasn’t having that. He climbed back up and climbed faster than before. So he got another dousing. This time I trapped im under the pan lid above, and slid it over the plug hole. Yes, I was too afraid to pick up a spider I attempted to push him back him using a friggin pan lid. I left for work.
I told this story to work who came up with the name Genius Geoff. A spider that can climb shiny stuff is unheard of! He’s super intelligent!
When I got home, I checked the plug hole and nothing was there. He’s gone. Yet I wouldn’t remove the pan lid. What if he was under there with friends.
So I texted my neighbour to rescue me. Thank god for nice neighbours who can pick up spiders. Geoff was thrown back into the garden. Yes, he lived.
Honestly, can spiders just sod off and stay in the garden where they belong. Don’t come into my skink and use up my lemonade! I could have drunk that!
I hope Genius Geoff has a lovely life in the garden. Don’t come back. Please.
And that is my pretty epic spider story. I don’t know why I’m recording this. Apparently I like telling stories of my humiliation.
Have you guys got any humiliating stories to make me feel better about hiding from a tarantula sized spider.
Bye for now!