I posted a blog post explaining one of my coping mechanisms for my anxiety disorder a few weeks ago, and some of you found it helpful. I’m really glad it brought about the right message and not a big “Oo what have you bought???” reponse.
Today, I wanted to write about an experience that happened today at work.
I have suffered anxiety for about five years, but only realised what it was when I began working in a mental health hospital. I know it shouldn’t, but it actually felt embarrassing to me that I felt the same way as the patients I was caring for. I felt that I wouldn’t give them the best care. It’s silly, but that is how I have felt since I realised what I have. Therefore, I have never spoken to any of my colleagues about it.
Now I love my job and it is one of the few things that doesn’t give me a lot of anxiety. Somewhere in my head I know that I am good at it. But there’s also that part in my head that wants to bring a bad memory where I have failed at something and shoot that into the front of my mind at the weirdest moments.
Today we were talking about silly work things and I felt that tickle in the back of my eyes telling me I was about to cry. I left the room and ran for the toilet to cry it out. I came back with sore eyes but felt a bit more vulnerable to mind attacks. Luckily I have lovely colleagues that recognised that I was upset and took me aside and asked what was up.
So I told them.
And I am so glad that I did. One actually told me, we’re your colleagues. we’re here to support each other. I haven’t said anything before because any sign of weakness has been used against me in the past. But this felt like a giant group hug. Everyone was really supportive and gave me some great advise.
But the biggest one that I received is it’s okay to talk. Whether you’re feeling just a bit down or whether you’re just not yourself, tell someone that you trust.
Anxiety is a horrible condition to have, but it is more common than you believe. Even just talking to somebody can help you feel that little bit better. When I spoke to my Mam about everything, she now recognises the signs and will give me a distraction. Every morning now she asks me how I’m feeling on a scale of 1 to 10; if it’s below a 5 she will ask me why. It’s good.
Anyway, I’m rambling. All I wanted to say from this is that if you are feeling anxious, depressed or suffer panic attacks, don’t suffer in silence- tell someone. It can lead to you getting the help to tackle the issue all together, or give you healthy coping mechanisms.
I’ll leave it here. Hope you’re all having a lovely day.
Bye for now.